County Property Taxes

Like you, we have recently started receiving property tax statements. As I recall, our real estate tax structure is based on an Ad Valorem basis. I think it is a Latin term meaning 'according to value'. Churches and other nonprofit facilities are not taxed on this basis, but for the most part, all other facilities are. Property worth more is taxed more and so on. This is a credible and fair approach.



Some of you may have noticed that recently our country's economy has not only stopped growing but has begun to turn inward. Durable goods costs and values have gone down. Real Estate values have gone down and many blue chip and other direct stocks have gone down. I have even heard of a foreclosure or two. Most of the private industry appears to be responsibly reacting to this economy by downsizing, wage freezing, cancelling bonuses and other thoughtful ways to deal with this. They want their companies to survive, I suppose. I understand that the, now flat but once booming, housing industry created many roads, utilities and emergency services areas that must now be monitored and maintained even though they are vacant. But, those houses and other buildings whether sold or not still belong to someone who is responsible for paying their Ad Valorem tax. That means the Counties are getting the same usual Ad Valorem tax on them as in the boom days.



Taxes are a good thing and I believe in the system, but the county property tax statements, we received, show an increase in value and get this, an increase in the amount of taxes due. I have questions that are part rhetoric and part genuine:



Why is it that property taxes increase almost without fail? Why is last year's revenue now deficient and additional revenue is needed? What has increased? Shouldn't the county and all other governmental bodies be following this economy, too?

A true (but another poop story) incident

My wife and I own a small business. I spend significant time here alone. Well, yesterday the UPS man showed up at the door with a bright and friendly smile. They all seem to do that. He made his first delivery (to be explained later) and walked out the door with a smile on his face. He was just stepping into his brown truck when I saw him pause. He turned back to our building and approached. When he stepped inside, he asked if he could use our bathroom. With a light sheen on his face, he wasted no time walking to the room. It turns out he had just experienced a Bright-Boy-Alert. For those of you who don’t know what this is, let me explain. A Bright-Boy-Alert is an internal notice that is issued by the colon. The colon is our body's chief commander and answers to no one. It lets the brain know that within the next 20-25 seconds, the body will be pooping. All else is optional. The use of a toilet is an option. Being alone…optional. Having the opportunity to drop trou…optional. The fact remains that pooping will occur in that time frame. The owner of said colon must do everything it can within that time frame to accommodate this almighty, highest of all courts, command. Because it will happen.
So, now the UPS guy is in the bathroom making his second and third deliveries. He was in that room for quite awhile. I heard noises like he was doing chin-ups or something. That corner of the office started to feel warm like it was radioactive and have some kind of glow to it. After 10 minutes or so, he stepped out and said to me: ”I hate to be tacky, but do you happen to have a plunger?”
I looked into his eyes and could tell he was serious. I could tell the exhaust fan was hard at work and the neighbors, who were downwind and out working in their yard, stood and were looking in our direction. You see, I do have a plunger, but plungers are a one-time tool. Once they touch poop in a toilet, you carry them outside and throw them over the nearest fence. Let someone else deal with it. That is a state law. I didn’t want my unused plunger to be tossed, so I asked him if he could wait a few minutes for hydration to set in. During that time, we visisted. I asked him what he had for lunch and if he had named our new stubborn friend. After a few minutes, he went and attempted another flush…..Not so much…..The now brown mush quickly established a new high water mark in the bowl. Now this guy had to leave! He drove away and I was left to deal with this. I decided it was time to use the plunger, so I took off its tags and pushed. I pushed and pushed. Somewhere on the Willamette, a small boat rocked from that plunger of mine. Finally, with a whoosh, the mush left. While it traveled its way to downtown, I was all clear. After the mandatory 12 flushes, I pulled the plunger out and in a controlled panic, walked it outside, and of course, tossed it over the nearest fence. All is now well.